— Evolution by Des Wissens
‘Sustainability’ and ‘collaboration’ are two words that we use at The Newes all day long. If we don’t use either of those two words when talking on the phone to clients, I assess fines on a sliding scale anywhere from $2-5 per infraction, and that can add up. The labor relations board (and our lawyers) have deemed these fines to be problematic, so all of my employees are free to donate their accumulated sustainability and collaborative funds to the charity of their choice. By the way, this early Red Sox skid is unsustainable. They need to collaborate more as a team (cha-ching) and that’s what it takes to be a winner.
When historians study the remnants of what will become known as the ‘American Century,’ the 20th Century will place the United States of America as the greatest superpower in human history. Our birth in the 18th Century, our adolescence in the 19th and our irrational and internecine struggle as brothers and sisters North and South resulted in our coming of age in 1900. As we lurch as a nation into the 21st Century, we also begin to slouch, as with all the great tribes, the Maya, the Mongol, the Malay and we are all confronted with the uncomfortable fact that we in approaching our inevitable old age and eventual demise, perhaps we could try and live forever? Is that rational? Nations evolve in symbiosis with nature (us!), so it’s a matter of nature that all governments evolve, n’est-ce pas? Our government is our body politic and when our government has a disease, we feel it in our very own bodies as certainly as if we consumed a toxin. Our bodies seek to remove this toxic badness, but some maladies — such as cancer and heart disease— can be terminal. We as a nation must maintain our good physical and mental health and each one of us, individually, must fulfill our duty to our particular Creator. Let’s all try to not make it worse, at least.
And here’s the Easter egg I promised: yoga. Now don’t get all ‘men don’t eat quiche’ about this guys, as I did — and I suffered for decades with debilitating back pain because of it. We’ve evolved into strange creatures huddling over our little devices all day and our backs have been curved back into the Stone Age. Before you go to bed every night, do two things: lie flat on your pillow for a minute to relax, then ball yourself up and let your lower back slowly stretch out for a couple of minutes. If you feel pain, just wait, but if it gets too much, try again the next day. If your back starts to ‘open’ up, you will know you did it right. After your lower back is all loosened up, then really stretch your back and tailbone until you almost feel pain. This is apparently called the ‘Child Pose’ but I call it ‘balling up’ while pulling, aligning and straightening my back. The next pose is a little scary, but take it slow and it’s the key to unlocking the pain: the ‘Upward Dog,’ slowly use your arms to ‘walk’ from the Child’s Pose on all fours until your arms are underneath you in a wide-stance ‘push up,’ legs flat on the bed and your back is now a little BACKWARDS! Scary, I know, but just relax for a minute and slowly let the weight of your body align your back into place. It hurts a bit to ‘go through’ the point where our back gets tight and then finally, let your back ‘swing’ with the weight of your body, but that’s the whole point, to ‘bend’ your tailbone back a little because we all sit and compute all day, so before you feel any pain in this second pose, slowly roll over and relax for a minute. That’s it! These two poses, in under five minutes will change your life. You’ll thank me later, or sue me for malpractice, I’m willing to take the chance to remove back pain from your life forever. Happy Easter!
April 15, 2019